


We don't say goodbye

by zazajb



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-02-04 12:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1778515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zazajb/pseuds/zazajb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack reflects on love and loss...<br/>Brooding introspection</p>
            </blockquote>





	We don't say goodbye

Title: We don’t say goodbye...  
Author: zazajb  
Rating: R, adult concepts, occasional language, M/M  
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, team  
Spoilers : possible mentions from all series WARNINGS: deals with canon character death  
Summary: Jack ponders his feelings and future... Words 1270

Fic masterlist: <http://zazajb.livejournal.com/6286.html>

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters - just like to dabble with them from time to time  
A/N Inspired by the gorgeous song Immortality, sung here by Celine Dion. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdYaGt_sm3Q> Heard this on energymusicradio.sky.uk as part of their International Women’s Day and it bit me – demanding to be written!

A/N1 This is for BlueLilacs – hope you had a very happy birthday hon

X-posted so apologies if you get this more than once!

 

 

**We don’t say goodbye**

Shoving his hands deep into his pockets, the heavy wool of his coat barely moving in the light breeze, Jack gazed out over the city. The view looked the same despite the host of rebuilding he knew had gone on; a spectrum of coloured lights twinkling in the dark night sky fading to shadowlands in the distance. _His_ city…

He sighed wearily, the burden of responsibility weighing heavy on his shoulders… _so this is who I am and this is all I know…_ Knowing the dangers out there, knowing the times he’d somehow failed to protect it and people had died… _his people…_ those deaths were down to him – and _damn they hurt…_

He took a deep breath in, beating himself up didn’t change anything – it couldn’t bring them back no matter how hard he wished for it. The ache of loss hit him like a physical blow, stealing his breath and clenching with bitter claws around his heart. He forced the images from his head. Not now…it was too soon, too raw…

His punishment would be to go on…to live and protect those left behind – to make sure the sacrifice was not in vain… _and I must choose to live for all that I can give…_

A flicker of pride lit the darkness in his mind; in rebuilding Torchwood after the millennium he’d made it better, given it a purpose again… _the spark that makes the power grow…_ He owed it to the Doctor, to Rose… _and I will stand for my dream if I can – symbol of my faith in who I am…_ He would move forward…

Ianto’s face swam in front of him, warmth and love shining from his beautiful blue eyes… _but you are my only…_

He had to find a way to channel that love, to go on no matter how hard… _and I must follow on the road that lies ahead…_ “I won’t let you down…” the whisper lost on the soft breeze… _and I won’t let my heart control my head…but you are my only…_

“I can’t let you go… _never forget you, I promise…” We don’t say goodbye “_ You’ll always be with me…” _We don’t say goodbye…_

He closed his eyes, hearing the Doctor’s words as if it was yesterday, the bitter sting of realisation that the Doctor had left him behind…run away from him… Of course, that was behind them now – nothing quite like a year-long torture session at the hands of the Master to welcome you back into the fold! They understood each other now… _and I know what I’ve got to be…_

_Immortality, I make my journey through eternity…_ Captain Jack Harkness, Torchwood; protector of the earth from alien invasion, from the perils of the rift…going on alone, always alone...

A tiny smile cut through the sadness as Welsh vowels echoed in his head… _I keep the memory of you and me inside…_

So many memories of a life lived so long… _fulfill your destiny – is there within the child…_ Boeshane, his parents…the creatures… _Gray_ … Regrets flooded his mind, all those he’d let down… _my storm will never end, my fate is on the wind…_

His memories skipped forward, settling on a dusky summer’s eve up on the hillside above Cardiff. Ianto lay back, cradled in his arms wrapped warmly in Jack’s coat, the harsh wool rough against his naked flesh. They were looking up at the sky, the first stars just visible against the fading light. Hands entwined, Jack told stories of his time with the Agency – of the sights and wonders beyond this world…a time when he’d been a different person… _the king of hearts, the joker’s wild…_ he wanted Ianto to know him like no-one else ever had… _all of him…_

_We don’t say goodbye…_ you’ll always be with me… _my Ianto…_

“When I was chosen, my parents were so proud… _the Face of Boe_ they called me! I wanted everyone to know who I was, where I came from…” _I’ll make them all remember me…_

“The unforgettable Captain!” Ianto had remarked wryly, turning his head to capture Jack’s lips in a sweet and gentle kiss “…well, you got me!” The soft chuckle flooded Jack’s being with warmth; this was real, this thing he had with Ianto…he wanted it to last forever – the world was warmer, colours were brighter and life had a vibrancy that had been missing before he’d let the Welshman into his heart…

Before Myfanwy, before _that_ encounter in that grubby warehouse, the only goal he had was keeping the city safe until the Doctor came to recharge the TARDIS so he could demand some answers from the evasive Timelord; he needed to know why he couldn’t die… _cause I have a dream that must come true…_ okay, couldn’t stay dead! He needed to know and would press until he got the truth… _every ounce of me must see it through…_

Treasured memories filled his head, images of Ianto’s lips brushing his, warm, tender, thumb caressing his cheek as coffee was delivered to his desk; stolen moments of togetherness in the madness of their existence… _but you are my only…_

How they got there he didn’t remember; only the sudden realisation that somehow this unassuming young Welshman with his perfect suits and gorgeous vowels had ducked his defences and quietly melted away all the barriers around his heart… _I’m sorry I don’t have a role for love to play…_ All those years of watching those he’d loved, grow old, die and turn to dust had led him to lock his emotions away – existing, and he was doing just fine… _hand over my heart I’ll find my way…_

Ianto had changed him, had shown him that his curse was a gift, something special… _I will make them give it to me…Immortality…_

They faced the challenges of their life head on; weevils, rift storms, Hart…together they were stronger… _there is a vision and a fire in me…_

With a love that strong he’d never be alone again… _I keep the memory of you and me inside…_

_We don’t say good bye…_

At night, with his arms wrapped tightly around Ianto’s sleeping body, he allowed himself to wonder what it would be like living a life away from Torchwood – just him and his beautiful Welshman… _with all my love for you and what else we may do…_

Sighing heavily, he gave one last glance at the distant city and turned away. It was time to let go.

Slithering down the ladder he stripped off his clothes and slid into his tiny bunk. Ianto mumbled sleepily as he was tugged gently into his Captain’s arms “did it help?”

“Yes…no…I miss them…”

“We all do cariad…”

“It was Tosh’s message…”

“I know…” Ianto’s fingers threaded softly through Jack’s hair

Tipping the Welshman’s face towards him, Jack kissed him hard “I’m never letting you go…I can’t…” he whispered against Ianto’s mouth. They both knew that one day that time would come…

The answering “love you too” was lost, swallowed as their kiss deepened and hands roamed freely, passions rising…

Some things were best left unsaid… _we don’t say goodbye…_

End

 

**Author's Note:**

> Reposted from my LJ


End file.
